I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
