I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
