Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
