Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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