You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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