why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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