we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
