remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
