He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
