He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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