Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
