Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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