wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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