if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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