Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
