I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
