yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
