I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm really into asian looking animals
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
