last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
