I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
