oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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