we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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