i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
