am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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