apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
