I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone came in the potted fern
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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