so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
