whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it because I queefed?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
where are you?
Hypothermia
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
