I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
