So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sarcasm needs its own font
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
