Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
