so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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