Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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