Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize