if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
