Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it's like iHOP with fire
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
