i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize