If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
