In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The uberlube is also flammable
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
