Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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