I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
