I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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