Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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