I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
