Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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