I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have aggressive nipples.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
