Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
