i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
