I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Screwed.edu
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
