What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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