We won't sleep together?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
