belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
