Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
