This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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