Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
