sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize