i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
