margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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