Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
