DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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