i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
