The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
