Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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