So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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