you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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