i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
