Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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