So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
