how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
