I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
