hotel room ftw
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize