Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
