I need to stop coming to work sober
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
