Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize