Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
