They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
