I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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