I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
