I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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