The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
