Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
