i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
