ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
