It was confusing and full of hummus
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
