I wannas sexs uuuuu
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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