Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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