thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
