I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she looked like the before picture.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
