he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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