I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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