I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
