Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
