the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
