i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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