the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
