When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
