Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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