I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
