I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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