I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
