I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
