We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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