yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love having hate sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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