So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
