I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
