Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
