i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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