and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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