your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
