we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
