I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
